i ___ my own hand (held, hold, will hold)
music of da blog
There was a time when I wasn’t sure my hand was even there- or if it ever would be.
Unaware of my own capabilities, combined with the naivety of a child, there was little faith in stewarding my own survival. When you are young; before you look left and right (and left again), a person near you will grab your hand and lead you safely across the road. We are led by a combination of whoever decides that they should be in charge of a child, as well as a trail marked by the society we grow up in. There’s little room for decisions in between the ages of 0-18; once you hit the age of 18 (at least for me), the world opens up in a so very overwhelmingly way. Do you go to college? What do you want to do for the rest of the time you breathe in this world? Better pick now! Pick now or you will not have the optimal path to be a member of society and you will fall behind if you don’t! Should you go to bed at a reasonable time? Or, should you stay up and rearrange your room at 3 a.m. in hopes that it somehow will allow you to solve the second question asked?
Holding your own hand is the act of standing by yourself- not just in the easy moments, but in the uncertain ones. It means choosing to dream freely, to live fully, and to trust that no matter what unfolds, you remain. You are both the comfort and the constant, the one who has always been there and always will be.
Hmmmmmm
Though, I will admit that there are times where you come across a road and you do not have to look both ways… or see if you can make it before the light turns red… or worry about a silent Prius that’s two feet away from you. These times are reliant on the trust of another person; there is nothing more sweet or exhale-ant than being led somewhere by someone and knowing they will keep you safe.
So, in spirit of this… I present to you…
Five Steps to Holding Your Own Hand:
(Get it? Like cause humans have 5 fingers?... ha)
Decide who you are before the world does it for you
I would say this is the step you are most likely already started on! I think humans developing into different personalities, and energies is the coolest thing ever. There are so many brands of people, and I hate monopolies in the business world, so I think I would implode into the breezy wind if everyone was the same.
I hate to be the 500th bitch that says this to you but… go journal about where you like would LOVE AND ADORE to see yourself in 5 years. No need to be thinking about money or time or realistics. Fantasize and dream! This is truly so fun for me and I do it quite frequently because it’s so like a hyperreal version of Pinterest. But not limited as much- you can be so specific down to the type of perfume you wear or how you fold your clothes in your drawers. …and how you have day of the week underwear, that is embroidered and lacey and comfy and you wear it on your birth week! … Mmm maybe that one is just me though.. but you get what I mean?
2. Hold someone else’s pinky (utilize this one forever.)
I do not think there is anything bad with guidance; in fact, I think it is the most important step on this list. But, you must be calculated, intentional, and picky asf in your choice of guidance. There is a broad range of places where this can take shape, from your favorite book, to an image you saw on Pinterest, a movie you saw, or simply, your grandmother. When you are figuring out how you want to navigate life – gain inspiration from things you see, meet, and do. How we learn how to realize the weight of our own choices, and carrying them with grace.
Ah, I guess what I am trying to say is always be intentional about what trails you follow in life and make sure they align with who you want to be.
3. Gut
It’s easy to seek answers from others, but relying on outside voices too often clouds your own judgment. The most reliable answers come when you stop looking for validation elsewhere. I fully believe in the gut feeling- it’s like your internal monologue is speaking so fast and so quietly that you just have to sit and figure it out, but in the end, you know. These aren’t just emotions- they’re reflections of what aligns with your ideas of what you want to be versus what you don’t. But also, do not be afraid to make the wrong decision*. There are many times where I reflected back on something I did, and I realize it would have been better for me if I did something else… But, with this understanding and reflection on a wrong decision* that inner monologue becomes just a smidge clearer and you become more sure of yourself.
I say “wrong decision” with a grain of salt because any decision just leads you somewhere… It happened, and sure, you can learn from it, but also, sometimes we just have to make a decision, and when we do, we go on like we would have if we had made any other decision.
You got here somehow…
Remember all of the times when you were so unbelievably frustrated at something you deemed impossible or someone broke your heart and you never thought you would recover or even when you were super scared about an opportunity and did not want to make an attempt in fear of failure, but you did anyway. You are sitting here right now reading this and that is so amazing. The circumstances for your mere existence are so mesmerizing- please let that be a constant reminder that you have made it this far, so you can make it a bit futher… and then a bit further… and then a biiiiit futher.
Put it into practice.
Try these steps, even in the smallest form. I feel like once I sorta had a grasp on how I really am only truly reliant on myself, I got happier. I knew the kind of life I wanted and the person I wanted to be. I know now that since I first realized this, I have been holding my hand, and that I will be holding my hand in the future… What a relief it is to never be alone again.
And that, lovely people who made it this far, is how I think I have found grounding in the world’s unpredictability (especially right now)
Oh oh oh, also… Evolution is so a thing and your body’s atoms sooooo want to survive and you can trust that too in some weird econ way… You will figure it out.
That's all I got, I think? Hmmm..
Anyways, I hope you have a good day,
-Hope Joy
The brain to the blog <3
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