go be in love (why I love love)

Feb 14

music of da blog >

Somewhere between a PBR and screaming “go birds” on the streets of Philadelphia, I lost my phone. My phone was also dead, so it was unlocatable the next morning.

But the good thing is, is that love is not lost… or dead.

There is something inexplicable about feeling real love. It starts when we are young, sometimes true, but often just a concept we first understand with family members. It is ingrained in our minds that love is something we are supposed to feel towards them, but as we age, we get to fall in love on our own accord. My favorite crayon, my cat, sitting in front of a mirror, my childhood best friend, scrambled eggs with butter, a boy, another boy, another best friend, the week before I go on an airplane (I could go on for hours.) Love becomes personal and an understanding that only we can decipher for ourselves.

Now, what I am about to say might just be how I have grown to understand the different branches of love, but I believe the act of taking love away from those we grew up saying it to, is one of the more gentler heartbreaks we feel in our lifetimes. However, when you learn to love someone, slow and severely, the loss of that love collapses in a way similar to a structure you thought you made sure had a stable base- arbitrarily.

I find myself ripping the price tag off of a love before I even know it fits, as to show that I do not want to return it, that it is mine. And while this may seem like a waste of resources or as if I am asking for the disappointment of an incompatible love… you must understand that I comprehend love as a renewable resource.

This is reason number one on why I love love.

Why I love what love is:

Love as a renewable resource.

There are not many things in the world that come and go quite like love does. Its reach is endless—the way it shows up in everything, from the warmth of sunlight stretching across the floor to the way my cat nestles into my arms, or even in something as small as a text to a friend. It’s in the quiet, ordinary moments—the ones that don’t demand attention but are always there if you choose to notice. Just as easily as love appears in these small things, it can be given just the same—a kind word, a shared laugh, or simply showing up when it matters. Love, or at least in my experience with it, stays. It lingers within me while I try to give others love in a way that they can carry with them for the rest of their lives.

Love as a broken clock

Sometimes, explaining a loss of love is the most impossible task yet we tend to try to figure it out. Love is indeed a feeling to me; it is a huge, specific compilation of feelings that mesh together in such a beautiful way. And like some feelings, they fleat sometimes, and that’s okay. Sometimes, a bit of it will feel right, but as they say, a broken clock may be right twice a day even though it’s not working the way it should… But you still have a broken clock, and I personally would like to know the time whenever I want.

Love as a stream of dopamine (but the good kind)

To be in love is to start finding new music again; everything you find is so good. When I am in love it has inexplicable impacts on the world around me. I find a new fire in myself to do what I intend to, almost as if inspired by the feeling of love; therefore, love gets put into all the things I will now have inspiration to do. It’s wanting to melt their brain and inject it into your veins in hopes of filling the yearning to know every aspect of them. It’s an allowance for a break in supporting yourself; it’s picking up from wisdom teeth extractions, not getting hit by cars, and making coffee in the morning. It’s looking at the moon in the reflections of their eyes, and it looks even prettier. Love is knowing when something is right and not worrying about it being wrong.

Love as a reflection of self

I know that I am lacking in love for myself (which is the most important type in my eyes,) when the world around me seems to lack love as well. When things are dreary or lifeless in my day to day, it is a reflection of the way I am loving myself. To love something is to take care of it. You will hold their hands while they cry, yet you disregard your feelings. You will do “anything” for them, so why won’t you love yourself enough to do the things that make you feel good? Often, I see a person who is just searching for a light source to grow, but why would you not want to be your own? You can you know. To find a sort of love that has no questions unanswered, you must know how to give love to yourself first…. That is just my opinion though <3

So, today—Valentine’s Day—I’ll move through the world with love in mind. Not in some grand or dramatic way, but in the small things—the way I talk to myself, the way I show up for others, the way I choose to care. If love lingers, if it stays even when it shifts and changes, then today, I’ll let it be present in whatever form it takes.