Roots in Motion & Constant Want of Relocation
As always, please read on a computer, as the layout and experience will be so much better… Muah
I moved out of my mom’s house when I was 17. There was no fishy past luring me to move, other than my mom was relocating out to the bum-fuck middle of nowhere. This was possibly the worst thing in the world that could happen: my pre-college-girl summer ripped out from under my lime green-painted fingers. So, I decided not to diagnose myself with FOMO and get a temporary place, with my journey to adulthood starting on its doorstep.
Since then, I have lived in various areas in Wisconsin, Colorado, Oregon, Virginia, Iowa, and Ireland. Every time I go somewhere new, I always wonder if this will be the place I stick around in for longer than a year- but subconsciously, I think my brain steers my choices in the direction of new challenges. When I am located in one place for a while, I start to get a little restless, as if I have outgrown the place. So, I have come to the conclusion that, for now at least, I will be migrating till my roots dig a hole so filled with love, I don’t want to leave.
I am so thankful that I have the privilege to live in all these places. The things I have seen and confidence gained from each small accomplishment I made, not to mention the people who are now embedded into my soul and the ink engrained in my skin (I get a new tattoo everywhere I go.) So, I guess here is what I have learned so far in these 6 years of living and traveling on my own- but, as always, take it with a grain of salt.
Where do you want to go?
I have a list of the places that I want to visit and also places that I want to live (briefly or for a while) in my notes app that is getting longer and longer as I experience more things; I love this. Some of my moves had reasoning behind them (internships, jobs, friends, ex-boyfriends), and some were just out of pure curiosity (wanting to live by the mountains or in a place where weed was legal, hehe). Having this list allowed me to see what I could check off at this specific time in my life and what fit best for me. Of course, some of these moves were easier than others (such as moving to Wisconsin for school), and others required a bit more research and work.
Try and make a list of things you want out of a place. Here are some things I’ve considered:
Cost of living
Local Culture/ People
What kind of nature (or lack thereof) I want to be surrounded by
If weed is legal (don’t judge)
Climate and Weather
Accessibility and Transportation:
Safety
Money! It is scary and real and something to think about! (but not too much)
My biggest tip for getting a job anywhere is to have experience in the service industry- this will allow you to find a job in most places (cause, let's be real, when you’re working at a restaurant, they’re usually understaffed.) Even if you’re just starting out by being a host or a dishwasher, you can easily and quickly work your way up in this industry by stretching your resume. For example, when I was working at a restaurant in Virginia, once my manager slept through his shift, so my boss had me clock in as a manager until he finally arrived 4 hours later… and you bet I put “Manager” down on my resume (cause tbh I was anyways.)
Also, I always make sure that I have some sort of job lined up for when I move to a new place; even if it is not what I want to be doing long-term, I know I will have some sort of financial security when I arrive. The best way I have found to do this, is to just send a crap ton of emails to every single place near where you’re moving to with your resume attached, asking if they have any open positions. This has worked for me every single time.
Also make sure that you have a savings account for emergencies. I keep a high-yield savings account (big econ girl energy) with enough money to cover me if something happens.
Here’s the one I use, but idk what’s right 4 u!
Loneliness as a seed for new growth
Girl I can physically and mentally feel what that first step inside a new semi-permeant accommodation feels like… It’s a strong mix of utter joy that I get to experience a new adventure and life, and a deep pit in my stomach while I am deeply aware of every lonely square inch of space around me. Both of these feelings don’t last forever, though, and I have figured out how to slow (joy) and speed up (sad) the process of both.
One of the worst parts about going to a city at first is exploring. Though I have gotten better at doing things on my own, there will still be times when I am walking somewhere and see an event or a sign for something later in the week, and I wish I had someone that I could drag with me. So, I brave the place alone for the first couple of weeks, but during those weeks; simultaneously, I am also trying to make friends! I hate to say it, but in times like these, you just have to put on your best lipgloss and socialize. This can range from bumble bff dates (SO SLEPT ON- I have made SUCH good friends everywhere I have been with that app!) to starting a conversation with the barista who has sick nails on. You just really gotta do it
I, however, would also advocate for a more seclusive time as well (though make sure this is limited.) The summer I was living in Portland, I was quite “alone” in a sense, but also, that’s what I wanted to be at that time. I really needed to just be alone and think and dream and work on myself and focus on my health. This still is an extreamly fond point in my life for me, because I know I grew so much from it. I remember I lived in an Airbnb during my time there- I got a scholarship from my school that sponsored my accommodation. Otherwise, I would not have gone this route. ANyways, I remember that I lived in the basement, and there was a window that connected me to the backyard, and sometimes, I would simply just go out the window to avoid the possibility of having to communicate with the other people who lived in the house.
Other than the job I had (working at a super cute cafe that would HIGHLY recommend if you ever are near Portland***) I think that I socialized maybe twice in two months?? And I loved and needed it. I would wake up, work, go to the gym, cook, journal, and sleep. It was healing on so many different levels. Reading through my journal at that time provides me still with a sense of grounding that I need to be reminded of from time to time. In fact, the tattoo that I got while there is a representation of this focus on myself; it is one of my favorites. ->
***Update: just found out they had to close down :(
Confronting the Dread
I wish I could sit here and tell you that it isn’t scary being alone in a place; that is why it’s nice to move somewhere where you do know people- at least at first. Also, being as prepared as you possibly can be helps ease the anxiety of it all. It will be an extremely daunting process and figuring every little aspect out from health insurance to where you can buy you groceries beforehand will help you out just a smidge more.
I’ve found little ways to make the whole process a bit less intimidating at the start. I always try to make sure I set up some sort of routine within the first week- already having a job here comes in handy. This allows me to not spend all my time indoors with my fingers pressed up against my screen while my brain starts acting like those cars that shut off when they stop. I also document it, usually through journaling or through other outlets so that I can see my progress. Seriously, rereading my old journals is such a boost to my self confidence in how much I have grown and developed plz try. And finally, having patience with myself. I won’t have everything figured out, but to this day, I have figured things out just enough to keep going. And if I can keep doing that, then I know I will be just fine.
Make it feel like home
If there is one thing that is a constant with me when I move somewhere (other than my passport) it is my fairy lights and a folder that is ripped and overflowing with art, pictures, and blue tac. Everywhere I have lived, I try to make sure that there is some aspects of me within the walls other than my physical being. I know it sounds dumb if you’re only living in a place for a month or two, but I always feel so much better when I can have a sense of me and my past with me at all times.
Some ways that I’ve done this:
Museum postcards, my friends art, old letters, photos of family and friends
Use clothes as decorations (hang your fav dress up on the wall)
Get some trinkets at a thrift store that are not expensive and that you can either take with you to the next destination, or give to friends that you’ve made :)
Fresh flowers/ plants- this is something that I have recently started doing, but it’s crazy how having something living in your space can make you feel more alive
An excuse to disappear completely?
I love fresh starts, I love the concept of going somewhere where no one knows who I am, and I don’t have to live up to any precedented expectations- it’s the most freeing feeling in the world. Sometimes, you really do need to jump off the deep end to wake up a sense of self that you have been meaning to enact upon; changing up your surroundings is a sort of cheat code to this. When I was in Portland, I found this strict concentration solely on my future self and dreams too often crossed the line into a covered-up state of dissipating. I always assumed that growing and changing required an overwrite of the past files of you, but turns out that just makes it harder as you have to restart completely. Not to mention the feeling of disconnect that I had with my morals and judgements due to the dissociation with my past.
Now, focusing on only yourself when mental health is the main goal, or if you have something that holds a higher importance, is not selfish. This is crucial when needed; I fully support the need to do so. But, if you completely shut off communication from all friends and loved ones to simply not have to deal with the good and bad that take your hand when dealing with such, then you may find yourself more lonely than you have ever been before. I encourage you right now to send a quick little message to someone who you haven’t spoken to in a while. :)
I've realized that fresh starts can happen anytime, anywhere; I no longer need to trek across the country to find them (though I'll still happily wander).
I hope you have a good day,
-Hope Joy
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Here are some examples of previous rooms I’ve had!
Notice the wall that is always covered and the fairy lights? I am steering away from this style for my apartment in Philly though. Check out the inspo for it here :)
